Tired

I am currently at the point where I tend to be too sensitive and sometimes it does not give any good to myself either. I am still traumatized with things that suddenly happened in my life recently. I should not say anything in detail about that here, or to anyone since I have a promise to keep with someone about this.


Despite all the chaos,Alhamdulillah I know He is just testing me with a burden that I am capable to withstand. My lovely friend once said "never Allah tests a person beyond her/his capability. I know you are one strong girl". For every tears I dropped during the gloomy days, I keep on comforting myself with those words from a friend of mine. It was tiring to have a battle with your own emotions. You need to be bold and strong in front of people in order to sort things out but at the same time you are deeply hurt by those words that were not inappropriate to be used in a normal conversation between human and Muslim.


I was too tired,
My emotion was totally disturbed,
I was at my lowest point,
But I cannot show/express it to anyone else since it involves many people.
So I just keep it to myself.


But then,
After I am trying to move on and forget about the bad things,
Suddenly people judge again

Do you know my focus on studies has been badly disturbed because of this thing?
And do you know how far I am drowning during those days?
And do you know how hard I am trying to comfort myself that everything will be fine even if I need to restart everything all over again?




I don't deserve much in this life...